12 Feng Shui Tips to Create the Bedroom of Your Dreams

Get ready for more restful sleep.

By Monique Valeris

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One of the most important spaces in a home is the bedroom. It’s where you decompress from the day and enjoy a good night’s sleep. But if you’ve been longing for pointers on how to make your bedroom a more inviting space that promotes tranquility, consider relying on the principles of Feng Shui.

The ancient Chinese tradition is rooted in incorporating a sense of balance, organization, and healthy practices into your home, which can ultimately help to improve your daily lifestyle.

For practical tips on how to feng shui your bedroom, we checked in with Anjie Cho, an interior architect, feng shui expert, and author of Holistic Spaces. Read on for her top feng shui bedroom ideas.

Aim for a Serene Environment

Regardless of your decorating style, your goal should be to craft a serene bedroom. “The important thing about feng shui is how a space makes you feel,” says Cho. “A bedroom that has good feng shui feels comfortable, nurturing, supportive, and like home. Your environment has so much of an effect on your prosperity, your livelihood, wellbeing, and health.”

Don’t Position Your Bed in Line with the Door

Feng shui’s command position calls for a bed to be diagonal from the door. “When you are lying in bed, you should be able to see the door without being right in line with it” Cho advises. “You don’t want your feet positioned straight towards the door, and you don’t want your headboard to be in line with the door.”

Use a Solid Headboard

Go for a solid headboard without perforations and make sure it’s attached to the bed. “The headboard connects you to your partner or future partner,” Cho says. “It can also provide stability between your masculine and feminine side.” Cho suggests wood or upholstered headboards. But avoid metal, since “they are often designed like bars that give off a sense of being imprisoned,” she says.

Consider Concealing the Television

Deciding whether or not to include a television in the bedroom all comes down to your lifestyle. If you typically experience difficulty falling asleep, leave it out of the bedroom or conceal it with a wood or fabric panel. “We are in a day and age where we are surrounded by electronic devices,” says Cho. “There are ways to gracefully conceal the television and not have it be a distraction from your sleep.”

Choose Plants Wisely

Being surrounded by nature is always relaxing, so consider bringing the outdoors in by making plants part of your bedroom decor. But not all plants reflect the philosophy of feng shui. “It is best to stick with plants that have soft and rounded edges,” says Cho. For instance, succulents with heart-shaped leaves or snake plants, which are known to give off more oxygen at night, can make a space feel more calming.

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Opt for Organic Bedding

Organic bedding is the best option for a bedroom that adheres to the principles of feng shui. “There are a lot of ethics involved in how conventional bedding is created and manufactured, so all of that energy is interwoven into the materials you choose to have in your home,” Cho says. “Do your best to buy the most ethical, non-toxic materials that you can afford, because that will affect your life.”

As for colors, Cho is partial to white bedding. “It’s a blank canvas to bring in different accents like pillows,” she says. “But if you want to attract a partner, you can have pink bedding. If you want to have more passion for life or your partner, you can use red bedding.”

Incorporate Your Favorite Colors

Most people think an all-neutral palette is the key to a good feng shui bedroom, but Cho says you can decorate with any hues that resonate with you. “Neutrals tend to be more earthy-colored, and the earth represents support, stability, and nourishment,” Cho says. “If that’s what you are attracted to and what you need, that is a great palette. It’s more about your taste.”

Aim for Balance

“If you want to attract a partner or are in a relationship, the principle of balance is important in a bedroom,” Cho says. Having space on both sides of the bed or nightstands, even in two different styles, on either side of the bed are just a few examples. The goal should be to create enough space for you and a partner. “They don’t have to be symmetrical either,” Cho says. “Balance gives you more freedom.”

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Anjie Cho

Remember That Lighting is Key

If you live in a city, like New York, chances are you’re all for allowing more light into your space, which is very much in line with feng shui. “Light brings clarity, brilliance, and activity to all areas of your being,” Cho says. “One particular type of lighting that is good in feng shui is uplighting, especially if someone is depressed.” Cho especially likes 2700 kelvin versus 3000 kelvin lights, because it adds more warmth to an interior. And, of course, candles are another favorite, since it creates another level of intimacy that can’t be achieved with other lighting options.

Avoid Hanging Family Photos

Your bedroom isn’t the place for family photos. “Your bedroom is about you and connecting with your partner, and pictures of family members isn’t that welcoming and sexy,” says Cho.

Never Hang Artwork Low

“When artwork is placed too low, it can bring you down emotionally,” Cho warns. This concept also applies to beds—they shouldn’t be too low to the ground.

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Reduce Clutter

There’s no denying that clutter creates stress, and good feng shui calls for keeping it at bay. “You want to have open space, especially under your bed, because that creates healthy energy and healthy chi,” Cho says. But if you live in a small space and have to use under your bed for storage, only stick to soft, sleep-related items like bedding, pillows, and blankets. It’s not an area to keep items that are emotionally-charged, whether it’s shoes, jeans that no longer fit, or photo mementos.

It’s also best to keep books out of the bedroom. “Books are very active,” Cho says. A novel that helps you to relax is appropriate, but avoid a full library of books, which can be a distraction. “We live such fast-paced, stressful lives, so our sleep needs to really count,” Cho says.

Home Decor Editor, ELLEDecor.com Monique Valeris is the home decor editor for ELLEDecor.com, where she covers everything from house tours to product roundups, and her idea of a well-decorated interior involves endless layers of patterns, brass accents, and anything with a monogram.

 

https://www.elledecor.com/design-decorate/interior-designers/a27500044/feng-shui-bedroom-ideas/

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The Secret to Avoiding Arguments with Difficult People

By Seth Meyers, PSY.D

Managing the difficult personality requires care and specific strategies.

Interacting with difficult personalities is often frustrating or even enraging, but it is possible to learn how to manage interactions with these individuals more effectively.  As difficult as difficult personalities can be, it is possible to interact with them in a way that does not cause extreme, unnecessary anxiety, frustration or anger. Having strategies to avoid arguments with these individuals is crucial.

Remembering a good quote can prevent a full-blown conflict.

In preparing to write this article, I found a quote that can keep you from engaging too deeply with a difficult personality. “Never argue with someone who believes their own lies.” The quote provides a stop sign when you find yourself feeling frustrated by the difficult person’s refusal to see reality or to honor the most basic social conventions of fairness or mutual respect. Someone who is difficult lies to themselves in a number of ways. They may tell themselves that they never wrong and that others are to blame; they may tell themselves that blaming others is a justified response; they may tell themselves that they are trustworthy but others are not; they may tell themselves that they are honest or act with integrity; and so forth. Repeating this quote to yourself is a good example of using what clinicians call positive self-talk (one’s running inner dialogue) in a moment of feeling provoked or triggered. Ultimately, the reason why a person shouldn’t argue with someone who believes their own lies is because the difficult person is operating from an entirely different – and disturbed – playbook.

Accept that you will never “win” with a difficult person.

Men and women who are difficult have been difficult for years. Their personality underlies every work, school, or social interaction they have had for many years. The mental world of difficult people is not friendly or trusting. They can be predatory and competitive, and envy and anger are often bubbling under the surface. While a normal person enters a room full of people without extensive preconceived ideas about who those new people are, difficult people automatically start casing out the environment, trying to figure out who will be a threat or an opponent, or who will undermine or misunderstand them. Because the social interactions difficult people have are typically filled with frustration or tension, difficult people come to see others as threats or opponents. Accordingly, they see social situations as interactions that produce either a winner or a loser. Difficult people are fixated on not feeling wrong or deficient, or being exposed publicly or personally for their weaknesses or limitations, so difficult people must end a conflict with the sense that they have won and prevailed. You will never “win” with someone whose self-esteem hinges entirely on the outcome of a conflict, so the only sanity-preserving strategy for others is to avoid engaging too deeply with them.

Think of the good and long-term relationships you have in your life (which difficult people don’t have).

I tell patients of mine who deal with difficult people to think of difficult people as living in a prison of sorts. The truth about difficult people is that they may have close relationships, but their close relationships are usually conflictual or empty (business-like or without emotion or real attachments).

Remember that your power lies in your ability to stay calm.

If you lose your cool, the difficult individual has gotten want they want out of the situation, which is to ensnare you. Difficult people don’t have awareness about what’s really going on with them emotionally (again, because they lack self-awareness), but they are often unhappy and in a negative mood. Unconsciously,  they try to get the people around them to feel the same (negative) feelings they feel.

As soon as you recognize that the difficult person is trying to engage you, use a mental distraction technique.

Once you realize that the difficult person is being characteristically difficult and is on the brink of getting you to engage or join them in their negative feelings, distract yourself while they are talking by making mental lists. Make any of the following lists in your head which will allow you to detach from the what the difficult person is saying or doing: make a list of any birthdays of friends or family in the next month; make a list of items you need at home from the market or store; or make a list of two or three things you need to clean or organize.

The takeaway message: Difficult people are very good at what they do—ruffling the proverbial feathers of others. It is unrealistic to prevent all frustration with these individuals, but using the foregoing techniques can prevent you from feeling truly upset or thrown off as a result of the interaction.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-is-2020/201905/the-secret-avoiding-arguments-difficult-people?amp

 

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